Times forever frozen, still
by ImGonnaBuildCastles
Summary: AU snapshots where Ange keeps Dom and Chloe
1. Chapter 1

AU

May 1990

'Who are we going to see?' A voice asked, picking up the small child and kissing his cheek.

'Mama.' The voice tells her, smiling, 'nd baby.'

'Yes, your baby sister.' He smiles as they go through the big set of doors. The woman muses to herself that the last time she was here it was with that boy. A different sort of life back then, this baby was different. She had seen the little girl yesterday, being with her daughter whilst she gave birth to a baby that was too small, that needed a machine for her just to be able to live.

Everything about this was different, even her feelings about her granddaughter. She had worried about Dom, with her daughter being a child herself. This baby, she was different. At the moment, she wasn't going to get excited, she doubted she ever would. She didn't want to be doing this, she didn't want to be seeing her daughter's rapist's child. She had sworn blind she would protect Ange and do what she wanted, she just didn't realise she was going to find it so hard. She wasn't the one that was raped, it was her teenager. She felt guilty, guilty that this happened, guilty that she was against the idea of Ange keeping the baby. More than anything, she felt guilty for letting her daughter go out that day. She could have made her stay in, threatened to stop being her daughters' nanny. That was selfish, Dom gave her something to live for. He needed her, he would never know what a saviour he was to her, her having to look after him gave her something to-do each day, someone to get up for.

She had Ange, but she was at school most of the time, even then she chose the partying and underage drinking over the boy. Dom was, almost, replacing the void of her husband. Having to look after him, day in, day out. Then he died, she thought about it too.

She puts him down as they wait for the lift, trying not to give off a negative presence to her grandson, she didn't want to scare him. She wondered how much he understood, she had been prepping him for this for the last four months, but she had banked on having another few weeks. Then she got a call from the hospital telling her that her daughter's water had broken, that the baby was coming today. She was lucky that she had her sister nearby, someone to take him for the night, letting him sleepover. Everyone trying to hide their worry from the toddler. He had seen his mum in hospital three times a week, the visits upset both him and his mother, and she was supposed to be on bedrest, the pregnancy had been a nightmare from start to finish.

The birth hadn't been easy, it would have been traumatic for a full-term baby, but her granddaughter was early, too early. If she was honest, she didn't know if the baby would survive, which worried her about how Ange was going to take that. Dom, he was young, too young perhaps? If the worst happened, maybe, he would just forget it? It could become a very distant memory, only time would tell.

'Now what did I say about going on the ward.' She asks the child, who raises his finger to his lips.

'Shhh.'

'Good boy.' She picks him up again, as the lift arrives on the right floor. They aren't in their local hospital, this is Glasgow's children's hospital, the neonatal unit, she had been moved an hour after her birth, a specialist team had been called out to help them move her, move them.

The hallway was colourful, she guessed that was to make people feel better, more at ease. She didn't and she knew Ange didn't either. She knew that she should put Dom down, he was old enough to walk, he was getting heavy, but he was her comfort object, in some weird way. She buzzes in, managing to balance the toddler with pressing the bell.

'Who is it?'

'Louise Goddard, I'm here to see Ange Goddard. I've brought her son.' There is a pause, she wonders if they will refuse entry to Dom. Eventually, they open the door and she makes her way up to the reception, signing themselves in.

This part of the ward is quiet, there aren't any ugly machines, nothing that could scare the tot. Opposite, there is a waiting area. Deciding to delay the visit to her daughter, she pulls him to one side.

'Dom. I need you to listen to me.' She sits him on the seat, crouching down to his level. 'When we go and see mummy, there is going to be a lot of different machines, it's going to be very loud. If you get scared, let me know and I'll take you out.' She knows that he probably doesn't know what she's on about, but she wants him to feel safe. 'Mummy might be a little sad, too.'

'Why?'

'You know when we sat down with auntie Jean?' The toddler nods, looking her dead in the eye. She wonders who this baby would look like? She hadn't had a proper good look, to scared. 'How I told you that the baby was very sick, you won't be able to touch her or hold her, like Jack was able to-do with his sister?' He nods. 'Good, I just wanted to remind you. Remember, you're on your best behaviour.' She looks over at the nurse's station, making eye contact with one of them and smiling.

She had it written down, what bay the baby was at, right by the little receptions in the ward. It had been split in three, her granddaughter was in the middle bay, right by the other nurse's station. She stood back a moment, watching her daughter. She was doing something, something that looked oddly like her school work, a pastime that Ange had finally taken up.

'Look Dom, there is mummy.' She whispers to him, walking over to Ange. 'Hello darling.' The younger woman jumps, startled a little.

'Mumma.' The boy asks, looking at her sideways, almost like he was unsure if it was her. Louise wouldn't blame him, Ange looked different. Even in the last few hours, she looked dreadful. Dom grabs onto his grandmother's top, looking around at the room. It's full of monitors, with another three families crowded around their babies, a set of machines and thin curtains trying to disguise as some sort of privacy.

'Do you want to give mummy a cuddle?' He shakes his head profusely, something that is odd for him, usually loving the hugs and attention. Louise registers the look of hurt passing through her daughter's face, 'he's probably just nervous.' She reassures her daughter, 'I'm going to pass you to mummy.' As she does, he starts crying.

'Just keep him, he wants you.' She tells her mother, a hint of bitterness in her voice, praying that he would be quiet so that the other people in the room won't look over at her.

'He'll come around Ange. He hasn't seen you for a while, all these machines are big and scary to us, he's three they must be scary to him.' She bites her lip, as she takes the other seat. 'Have you slept? Have you eaten?' She shrugs, as her mother spies the uneaten meal. 'Why not?'

'I don't like the food. I don't want her to be alone, I've had other stuff to-do.' She lists, wincing as she sits back down.

'Well, I'll stay here. You go down to the café downstairs.'

'What if something happens?'

'We'll fetch you. Take Dominic too, he's been talking about seeing you for the last couple of days.' She lies, she didn't know how her grandson was going to take being alone with his mum. It had been a rocky few months.

Right after the rape, she pushed him away, until she went to the police. Then in week twenty-six of her pregnancy she was admitted to hospital and she hasn't left in the last eight weeks. She had been visited by them, but it wasn't quite the same.

'C'mon trouble.' She whispers, grabbing his hand, too weak to be able to carry the three-year-olds weight.

'No.'

'Dominic.'

'No.' She turns to her mother, pleading with her to-do something, she does, coming around to the side of the chair.

'Come on Dom. You're mum really wants to spend time with you. She's going to buy you cake.'

'And juice?' He asks, looking at the teenager sceptically.

'Only if you're going to be a good boy for your mum?' He nods, almost dragging a dreary Ange out into the corridor, the lure of juice and cake too great wait around for. She wouldn't be lying if she said she was hurt, that it took her mother and a bribe of a sugary drink to get her son to come with her. She thinks to herself, maybe, she deserved it? For all the time she hasn't spent with him. The fact that he preferred her mother to her, heck she preferred her mother to herself.

She grabs his hands, something that he didn't like, but did on the promise of cake and juice seems to have the desired effect on her son. Once upon a time, he would want nothing more than to be close to her, clearly it is a different situation now, her own son can't stand to be alone with her.

'Chocolate cake and orange juice?' She asks him, as they queue up, having to-do a double take when he shakes his head. 'You don't like that anymore?'

'Strawberry Ribena and chocolate cake' he corrects her, in that moment she's never wanted to cry more, something so simple that she can't get right. She has two kids, one has a better chance of dying than living, because she failed as a mother. The other one, well, she doesn't even know him anymore. He had to be bribed in order to spend time with her and even then, she didn't get what he wants right.

'How is auntie Jean and uncle David?' She tries, as he shrugs, watching her cut up his cake into small chunks, something she doesn't even realise she's doing. 'Did you see Lucy?'

'We went to park.' He tells her, taking a sip of the drink. 'St'cey was 'ere' he tells her, 'd Lucy.' She smiles, they were her first cousins, Stacey was 24 and Lucy was 18, mere months older than her.

Ange was an only child, she had always wanted a sibling of her own and she was hoping that her daughter and Dom would be friends. That's if her daughter lived, if they grew up together, she hoped they got on like her mum and her sister, to be playmates.

'Mummy, are you listening?' She is dragged out of her thoughts.

'Yes baby, very good.' She tries, praying it was the right thing, he doesn't say anything, keeping on talking about whatever it was he was talking about before. She listens as he prattles on about nothing, trying to pretend like she cares, knowing what a crap mother that makes her. She didn't even know his friends, or what he likes to eat. She didn't even know when he started going by Dom rather than Dominic, or why he started going by Dom. He may as well be her mother's son.

He seems fine until they get back on the neo-natal ward, where he asks his grandmother if they can go home. Looking between the boy and his mother, who is nodding, she agrees, sensing her daughter wants him to go as much as Dom wants to leave. It's when they leave the ward that she bursts into tears.


	2. Chapter 2

September 1992

'Did you want them to come?' Her mum asks, motioning to the pair of kids lying on the sofa. 'They don't have too. Jean has offered to have them?' Ange sighs, rubbing her temples. She doesn't know what she wants, feeling her eyes welling up with tears, she shrugs. 'Hey, it's about you. We'll do whatever you are comfortable with.'

'I don't know mum, I don't want to leave them.'

'You know what an amazing opportunity this is for you, and it will be for them.' She shakes her head. 'We can discuss it tomorrow.'

'It doesn't make it any easier.' Louise hugs her daughter. 'I'm going to miss them so much, I'm going to miss out on so much.'

'You'll speak to them and we'll visit. Honestly, it will be fine.' She shakes her head, not wanting to cry. 'Anyway, it's getting late. Dom has school tomorrow.' Her heart drops at that thought, 'he has to go Ange.' Her mother warns her, pre-empting what she was going to say.

'C'mon Dom, Chloe.' She stirs them from their positions on the sofa. 'Dom, have you got your bag and reading book?' He nods, yawning. 'Come on them my little man.'

'Five more minutes' tries, although his eyes give away that he's less than five minutes from falling asleep.

'No, you are about to fall asleep and you're getting to big for me to carry you to your bedroom.' Ange starts as he gets up, his little sister, his shadow as she nicknamed her, not far behind them. She follows them up, she had already made them clean their teeth and put their pyjamas on, so they were in bed when she got there.  
At the moment, they shared a room. That was going to change in the coming weeks, Dom was going to come into her bedroom when she left and when she was home, either she would move back into there or she would stay with Chloe. She wasn't sure just yet.

'Good night my babies' she whispers into the darkened room, knowing that they probably wouldn't hear her. I love you so, so much' she manages to choke out, 'more than you will ever know.' She tells herself, stumbling into her room.

As she re-starts her packing, she wonders how it's going to be, how she won't be able to see them every day. The last time that happened was when Chloe was born and that was a total for four months that she wasn't home for Dom, but he visited multiple times a week. She wouldn't even be able to-do that, she would phone them daily, and visit when she could, but it wouldn't be the same. This was for seven years, if she made it to the end. Dom would be nearly a teenager; seven years is a long time. The five-year-old would be in secondary school, Chloe would be nearing secondary school age than she would be starting primary school, she would be nine. What would life be like in June 1999? What would she be like? What would they be like? It would be the end of the millennium, everything would be different.

She goes into a fitful sleep that night, not quite being able to doze off properly, the idea of leaving her babies consuming her up. Dom doesn't understand when she has a slight cry when he goes into school, squirming out of her clutches as he makes a bee-line to his friends. Chloe doesn't understand all the extra-cuddles during the day, interrupting whatever she was doing.

The pair don't understand when their grandma makes them make good luck cards for their mum when she was out getting some new clothes, convincing her that going shopping with kids on a Thursday afternoon wasn't a very good idea. They didn't understand when they were sworn to secrecy when they made their cards, keeping it none the less.

They didn't understand when they watched their mother and grandmother load up her car, taking out their car seats. Apparently, they weren't going on this particular journey. They were surprised when they had a takeout on the Friday night, being allowed to stay up late and watch movies, not that either of them made it past 10PM, all three of them fitting into Ange's double bed, as she laid awake most of the night, finding comfort into listening to the pair breathing, silent tears cascading down her cheeks, unsure of what the future was going to hold for the three of them. They didn't understand when they were woken up by a tearful Ange to say goodbye, both promptly falling back asleep when the car left, and their aunt and uncle had come over.

It took two weeks for them to adjust, both were still too young to understand that Ange wasn't coming back, no matter how good or bad they were. Louise tried to keep it quiet for her daughter's sake, knowing that she needed this. She needed to be able to make something of herself, she listened as her daughter told her half-hearted stories about going on nights out with her house mates or going to a pub with her course mates, neither group knowing that she was a mother and wondering why she kept to soft drinks most of the time, keeping them at bay by telling them she didn't like the taste of Vodka, or Tequila, or any other drink they brought. She didn't tell them that she didn't like getting drunk because she was worried about being assaulted, again.

The three had fallen into some sort of routine, as Louise watched as the children forgot about Ange. Forget was the wrong word, they weren't forgetting her, but they were forgetting things that she did, particularly Chloe, who had started talking properly now. Just like when Ange had been hospitalised, the three of them found a new way of life, one where Ange wasn't there every day. As the term went on, the daily phone calls became less, becoming phone calls every two days, Ange was at uni or they had extra-curricular activities. The guilt never left her, though.

Four weeks into the term, Ange told Louise that all her friends now knew about Dom and Chloe. She didn't ask how this was the case, she didn't want to know how her daughters secret came out. Ange also told her that she would like her kids to visit her at university, something that her mother said could be arranged for the three of them to visit St Andrews some point soon.

That some point was two weeks later, Louise not telling Dom that he was visiting his mother, she was pulling him out of school for the day, so that they could spend as much time with Ange as possible. She didn't need him blabbing to the school about the little trip, all they knew was that they would be seeing Ange soon.

They met Ange after her lecture on the Friday, Ange coming to the hotel they were staying at. Her welcome was warm, warmer than she was expecting. She was expecting Chloe to be nervous, just like Dom was after Chloe was born. It only took her ten minutes to throwing herself into her mothers' arms. Both adults had their own suspicions that it was because her brother was so happy to see his mother and, since she had been gone, she had been copying Dom even more, almost like the pair had become closer. More often than not, Chloe would sneak into her brother's room and Louise would find them sharing their mothers' bed, little signs like that told her that they hadn't completely forgotten the way things used to be.

On the Saturday they met her friends. On the whole, the fact she was a mum, had been well received. Ange hadn't particularly wanted them to meet her kids, but when she came home late Friday night, she had been persuaded to bring them into her halls the following day. Louise had posed the idea of a sleepover, with Dom and Chloe, as she had things she could be doing, and Ange had jumped at the chance. At the time, she thought it would be at her mum's hotel room, not her own uni room.

They had tired the pair out, so they were ready for their dinner when they got home, getting another take away. Her cooking would have been a disaster and she wasn't ready to give her children food poisoning. She watched as they ate dinner, just the three of them, in the shared kitchen. They had been joined by a nervous few housemates, if she wasn't so sad, she would have laughed. She watched as the pair ate, Chloe eating properly on her own now, with a knife and fork, the pair of them absorbed into their own little world. Months before, she would have been part of that conversation, part of that bubble. Except, now, she wasn't, they always said children grew up fast. She knew that, her little baby boy was now in his second year of primary school, she just didn't think they would change that much in a matter of weeks.

She watched as the pair entertained her housemates, with Chloe eventually falling asleep on her, something that she relished, as Dom started to crash too. She read them a bedtime story, one Louise had packed for them, trying not to let her voice crack as she came to the end as she found them both asleep, pulling them closer, not wanting them to let go.

It was when she said goodbye the next afternoon that she broke down.


End file.
